Archive for the ‘ Fauxtod ’ Category

We Need a New Zoolander Movie NOW!


Yeah I said it!  The really, really, ridiculously good-looking male model appeared on “Weekend Update” with Seth Meyers and city correspondent Stefon (Bill Hader),  on SNL, to tell viewers about his upcoming Halloween party – to take place in New York’s hottest neighborhood, Sowbohenobohewoah.   ( You’ve never heard of it? It’s South of West Houston, below Lower Hoboken… )

And the party will benefit his new cause: The Derek Zoolander Foundation For Fat Kids Who Are Fat But Not In A Cute Way Like That Fat Kid On “Modern Family.”

So yeah…. I laughed my ass off. I loved that movie and me want more. And it seems my wish will be granted. (Click me).

Click here to see the video from SNL.

Some memorable Zoolander quotes:

  •  I’m not an ambi-turner. I cant turn left.
  •  So join now, ’cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there’s more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?
  • Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They’ll be looking for us at Maury’s right? But they won’t be looking for… not us.
  • Pretty soon, they’ll be reading *our* eugoogaly!
  • How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?

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And now, for your Spanish Otod Word of the Day….SpOtod

{ Good Looking / Handsome = Guapo / Bello }

Use it in a sentence: Abso~eugoogoolizer ~lutely…….

Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking? 

¿Te has preguntado si había más en la vida, aparte de ser muy, muy, ridículamente bien parecido?

 

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Musical Wheelchairs…..?


So the other day I was thinking…….then I stopped.  But then I started again, and I randomly wondered if there was a game called Musical Wheelchairs, and how would a wheelie play it?  So after asking around and webbing it up a bit, I found that someone else wondered a similar question. “How do people in wheelchairs play Musical Chairs?”  Well?  One guy answered this: “You’re a dick!

But it’s a valid question.  I heard of a similar game where they play what’s called “wheel chair rush hour”.  They race around the room in their wheel chairs while the mucic is playing then when it stops the last person to reach the centre of the room is out.  But it’s still not Musical Wheelchairs….

There’s an old wrinklies home somewhere in the mid-west that says they play Musical Wheelchairs:   “…which we play by having the residents sit in a circle and pass a ball around and the one holding the ball when the music stops is out until there are only two people competing against each other.”   Okay, now we’re getting somewhere!

How about this one? In musical wheelchairs, everybody has a seat, nobody drops out, and by the time the music stops, everyone’s a winner….  That works for me.

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And now, for your Spanish Otod Word of the Day….SpOtod“ – Wheelchair silla de ruedas 

Use it in a sentence? AbsoI’mGoinToHelllutely……

Is this dance club wheelchair capable?¿Es esta silla de ruedas club de baile capaz?

Why You Shouldn’t Wear White After Labor Day


The rule of thumb to follow after Labor Day is not to wear anything white below your waist. So that means that you should store away all of your white pants, skirts and shoes. Wearing them after Labor Day will make you look like a fashion reject.

But what’s the real reason? After much research I came across this:

Reason 1)  In the fall time is when the Arctic Arachnid comes out of hibernation. The Arctic Arachnid or “Arcnid” is a rare form of insectoid, spider like creature.  The Arcnid is largely known for becoming sexually aroused by the colour white, which is the native colour that blankets most of its home territory.  Arcnid’s do not swing from self made webs, however with their extra legs (7 more than regular spiders) they gain super speeds of up to 6 miles per hour.  This is why we dont worry about wearing white tops, but worry more about white pants.  Since these giant, cell eating insects can catch up to you when you are walking and begin to make love with your threads. Therefore, we do not wear white after Labor Day.

Reason 2)  Herpes.  ( aka Herpes Symplex 10 ). If you wear white after Labor Day, you will get Herpes. There’s no way around it.

Bottom line…. White lipstick is sexy…

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And now for your SpOtod  (Spanish word of the day):  Blanco = White

Use it in a sentence? Sure…. Do not wear white after Labor Day = No visten de blanco después del Día del Trabajo

~ Axel Foley…. out

Hurricane Irene Aftermath News Report Video……


AutoWed vending machine does marriage on the spot at $1 a pop


Happy July 3rd Everybody!

Need to get married now? Got no money for a big wedding?

Problem solved with this 80’s styled wedding machine, complete with rings and a marriage license for just a buck.

See vid:

Strippers on Speakerphone


Wheelchair Stripper Pole

The Wheelchair Stripper Pole

Now that Memorial Day is over, we can get onto more important things….

You know how when someone gets a phone call in the car & they answer it on their bluetooth speakerphone, but someone is with them in the car, & you want to let them know that the convo is not private & you probably say something like “hey, you’re on speaker & I got Gertrude in the car with me”, (cause its always a gertrude) & then Gertrude says hi & you say hi back?

Well if you’re quick enough, it’s the perfect time to cut off the caller and say the following:

“So I got the strippers you wanted except for Trixy*.  She recently fell off a pole & she’s now a parapellgic & stipper stages don’t have ramps.” (I look forward to your letters).

*All stipper names in this post have been changed to protect the Strippers. (Besides, Trixy now goes by Wheelies anyway)

And now for an actual article on wheelchair accessible stripper stages in the Chicago Tribune.

~ Chesty McSilverlegs out

ABC….Easy as 123?


Hello fellow…reader….

In lieu of posting an obvious tip of the day, I thought I’d take 1 day a week (or month…dont judge me) to post something other than an Otod. call this… a Fauxtod! What’s up!!!! I just thought of that! Oh Man I love myself!

(5 minutes later…….)

Sorry, I had to go flex in the mirror and fix my hair. I’m back now.

So here it is…

When we started school many years ago, we had to learn the ABC… kids still do, but the onlything that stayed the same is that A still stands for Apple!

Have a look… :

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